This post is going to be on the serious side as it touches on a rather personal topic: my future children. For anyone who doesn’t know, Travis and I have been married for almost three years (in July) and we’ve been trying to get pregnant for a little over two years. About a year after we started trying, I went to a doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS. This has been one of my main reasons for working toward weight loss.
I won’t try to explain our struggle with infertility, because I’m not sure I could put it into words, but I will say that I believe God knows what He is doing. I know that when we finally do have children, it will be exactly the right time for us, and I believe He is helping and preparing us every step of the way.
That said, there is quite a lot that we can do for ourselves. Even though it may be the two of us for a while, we think like a family. We’ve created Christmas traditions, we talk often about family dynamics and discipline, and we nurture our relationship so our children will know that their parents love each other.
I also believe that we can make memories for our children before they even arrive. That’s what I spent time doing yesterday. I had a full to-do list, but instead I went over to my sister-in-law’s house and hung out with her and her two-year-old.
She was going through her fabric and asked if I wanted any of it. I’m not crafty in the least, but when I saw some fleecy, red fabric, I saw a cute baby blanket, so I put it aside. A few minutes later, she handed me some quilted squares. I arranged them in a pattern on the fleece, and when she looked over, she said, “You know, that would only take about a half an hour to make. You can borrow my sewing machine, if you want.”
Even though the idea of sewing scared me, I wanted to do it. I remembered the story behind my own baby blanket: my mom made it when she was a teenager, before I was even a possibility. That always made me feel so special. My mother was thinking of me before I was even born.
I wanted the same story for one of my children, so I sat down and sewed. It’s far from perfect, but I’m proud of it. I imagine years of cuddles, tummy time, baby fingers, spit up, stickiness, and bed time snuggling all wrapped up in love and fleece. But most of all, I look forward to the day when I can explain to my child that I made that blanket when they were still just a desperate wish, but one I knew would come true.