A Year (and a Baby) Later

So here we are . . . a year later. Just a few things have happened. Like a new baby.DSC_0046

Her name is Lyra Mae. She was born on April 23rd, so you know, almost a month ago. I’m so on top of things.

Seriously though, if I could explain to you all exactly how much my life has changed, how much I’ve changed, I’d probably start to cry. These past few weeks have been the best of my entire life. And I never thought I would say that while having a newborn! Newborn was a really hard stage for me with Frederick, but now I see how quickly it’s over. I see how fast he went from a squishy, helpless blob to this wonderful little boy who is almost two (TWO!).

Speaking of Frederick, he loves Lyra. Adores her, really. He spends a large part of his day stroking her hair, sharing his toys with her, and trying to hug her. She’s been punched and headbutted a few times in the process; we’re still working on soft touches. But honestly, he looks at her like she hung the moon. It’s the best.


She’s not entirely sure about him yet, though.

IMG_20150504_105952We’re all enamored with her. She’s beautiful. She’s got great hair. She sleeps and eats well. She has the cutest sleep grins you’ll ever see. She is so cuddly and warm. There was a Lyra-shaped hole in our family, and now it’s filled.

I went out for a drive the other night, and then realized that I couldn’t wait to get back home. I was going home to everything I once dreamed about: an amazing husband, two beautiful children, a perfect job, a great apartment. Apparently, my life can only be described in good adjectives. I really never knew I could be this happy. I’m completely aware of how sappy I sound, and I don’t even care. After years of struggling with abuse and depression, I’m fully ready to embrace my sappy, awesome life. And I’m ready to write about it more too. So get ready for more of this cuteness:


Thanks for being patient. I can’t wait to jump back in and share our (awesome, amazing, crazy, perfect) life with you.

Frederick’s First Birthday Party

Sorry I’m way behind on blogging. I had a huge book to edit (600 pages!), so I haven’t had much time for anything else. But here I am, three weeks after the party, finally getting pictures up. You’re all so patient with me.

His actual birthday wasn’t so great; we both were super grumpy all day because we hadn’t slept well, I made the horrible mistake of going to the store during naptime, and the family pictures we had scheduled started great, but ended early because of a freak summer rainstorm. Go figure. But hey, that’s the stuff memories are made of, right?

Frederick’s birthday party, on the other hand, was a success. It was the day after his birthday after we’d all gotten some good sleep. We had some family and friends over, and since several of them were celiac, we had an assortment of candies (a “candy bar,” get it?) instead of cake. Except for Fred, who got his very own smash cake. He was a little confused at first, but once we showed him it was food, he dove right in. It was a great time; everyone had a lot of fun. Especially Frederick!
DSC_0036 DSC_0062 DSC_0065DSC_0058DSC_0088DSC_0106DSC_0114DSC_0129DSC_0143DSC_0165

Oh How Times, They Change

I can’t even . . .

I honestly don’t know how this happened. I mean, logically I understand that time passes and babies grow up, but my heart is in complete denial.

Frederick is turning one on Friday—ONE!—and I’m going through old photos for his party and wondering how on earth I could watch a human grow from a tiny, helpless little (let’s face it) blob to a giant, independent person with a personality and likes and dislikes and not notice that it was happening. I promise I was watching. It just goes so fast and slow at the same time.

I distinctly remember thinking, when he was a few days old, that he wouldn’t fit in my arms right if he got any bigger. I tried to picture the long arms and legs of a one-year-old draped over me and I just couldn’t imagine it. Now every time I pick him up, it’s long one-year-old arms and legs all wrapped up in mine, and if possible, it’s even better than before.

I find myself going through pictures from before he was born and wondering where he was—oh, right. It’s weird to me that there was time before Frederick. Just like it’s weird that there was a time before Travis (wasn’t there?). But I guess that’s what happens when you give your heart away completely. Your life changes so fully that the person you were before honestly seems like a different person. A me that didn’t love Travis? Impossible. A me that wasn’t constantly needed by the little human I made? Never happened. And when we have the next one, I’ll wonder if it was ever really just the three of us.

I guess the thing to learn is not to look too far behind or ahead. Right now all that matters is the giant little one-year-old who keeps interrupting my blog post for cuddles and inner elbow kisses because only too soon I’ll be wondering what happened to him.

Seven Years

Last week marked seven years since I moved to Salt Lake, officially the longest I’ve ever lived in one place. I first moved here in the summer of 2007 for a job I got at the University of Utah, housing summer conference attendees. It was by far the craziest summer of my life.

Also the most fun!

Also the most fun!

In 2008 I was well into college, spending a lot of time with family and friends, and whining about never being asked out on dates.

Except this was taken on a date . . .

Except this was taken on a date . . .

Travis and I started dating on my 21st birthday in 2009. And got married on my half-birthday. It was a crazy, wonderful, whirlwind year.

Taken before one of our first dates.

Taken before one of our first dates.

In 2010 we were dirt stinking poor, unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant, and living in an apartment and job that we hated, but I started this blog and graduated college and being in that horrible apartment and job allowed us to get more financially stable.

I also bought this pretty camera.

So that I could buy this pretty camera.

By 2011 both Travis and I were graduated, started our new jobs as for-reals grown-ups, and found out how awesome/hard marriage is.

And also going to mustache parties . . . because that's a thing.

And also went to mustache parties . . . because that’s a thing.

2012 brought us the news we had been waiting to hear for a very long time! I was pregnant! We also went to Seattle, a vacation we desperately needed, and I had my editing internship, which helped me realize how perfect a career editing is for me.

This was in Seattle, where I learned to like fish.

Taken in Seattle, where I learned to like fish.

And of course when you find out in fall of one year that you’re going to have a baby, it can be pretty well assumed that you’ll have one by summer of the next year. So that’s what I did in 2013. I had a baby. And . . . I’m pretty sure that’s all I did. The rest is kind of a blur.

Below this glowing visage is a gigantic pregnant belly.

Below this glowing visage is a gigantic pregnant belly.

And now we make it to this year, 2014. We’re almost halfway through, but it has already been a good one. I’ve been watching Fred grow and Travis be an amazing father. I’ve been making up this whole mothering thing as I go along, but it seems to be going pretty well. I’m enjoying editing, reading, writing, and being super nerdy with a little geek cherry on top.

As evidenced by the near constant fangirling over Veronica Mars and Comic Con I've put you all through.

As evidenced by the near constant fangirling over Veronica Mars and Comic Con I’ve put you all through.

Honestly, these last seven years have been the best years of my life. I’ve changed and grown and learned so much about myself. I’ve become a completely different person, but a better person. A more loving person. A more patient person. A more drama-free person. I’ve found the love of my life, gave birth to another love of my life, and tried to follow in the footsteps of another Love of my life. I can’t wait to see what the next seven years brings.

Still Stuck in April

Even though it’s May, I feel like I’m stuck in April. It was such a crazy month, I think I’m still processing it.

I started the month in the emergency room where I learned that I had meningitis. Not the really scary kind that kills you in a day, but the kind that feels like it’s killing you but then you get better.

By the second week I was so stir crazy from being inside convalescing that we left for a night and slept at a random hotel in Heber of all places.

The third week was Comic Con where I spent an entire, exhausting weekend helping my cousin with his awesome art table, watching all the amazing cosplays and celebrities that went by, completely geeking out over all the cool nerd paraphernalia, and trying to wrangle Frederick in a 4 by 4 foot space when all he wanted to do was run around.

Oh, yeah, did I mention that my baby learned how to walk in April?

So that’s what I’ve been doing. I almost refuse to believe it’s May. May means that my baby turns one, which is just downright impossible because I swear I just gave birth to him last week. It’s been one of the craziest years of my life, but also definitely one of the best.

And now a photo dump because I have so many photos from April. DSC_0239 DSC_0250 DSC_0296 DSC_0306DSC_0313DSC_0354DSC_0370DSC_0378DSC_0400DSC_0412DSC_0422DSC_0059DSC_0038DSC_0041DSC_0110DSC_0114DSC_0144DSC_0118DSC_0120DSC_0180

And my absolute favorite! I love these boys!!!

And my absolute favorite! I love these boys!!!

And this is from Fred's first haircut. As you can see from the photo above, it was a bit out of control. So of course now I miss it!

This is from Fred’s first haircut. His hair was a bit out of control…so of course now I miss it!

My Two Cents on Ordain Women

DSC_0458I can’t seem to escape this topic, so I may as well address it. I’ve thought about this a lot, and here are my two cents. For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, here is the Ordain Women website. I encourage everyone to read their FAQ because it answers a lot of questions and misconceptions that people have about them.

My first thought is that everyone needs to be kinder on this subject. It is a topic that is very personal to many people and to offhandedly tell people to leave the church or that they are apostatizing is wrong. Ordain Women does not speak for all LDS women or even all LDS feminists, but we don’t need to silence them for us to be heard.

I find it ironic that in a church founded on the question of a fourteen-year-old boy, we are so offended by a group of women asking a question. They are not protesting or picketing; they are simply asking the Brethren to ask God for an answer to a question: Should worthy LDS women be ordained to the priesthood? While I don’t agree with the answer they are seeking, I completely support their right to ask the question.

It seems we have forgotten that there is nothing wrong with petitioning God. He often will not reveal truth unless a question is asked first. He didn’t just appear to Joseph Smith and hand over the gospel. He waited until Joseph asked and then he revealed the gospel piece by piece as questions were studied and then asked.

We need not be afraid of asking, but we also need to be open to the answer, even if it isn’t the one we want. Whether the answer to the question is yes, no, or not yet, we need to be patient and trust in God’s plan for us on an individual and church-wide level.

My personal opinion is that all the proper doctrines are set in place, we just need to change the way we talk about them. Women already have the priesthood; we are just afraid to talk about it. We have access to and perform ordinances using the priesthood. We are set apart to become prophetesses and priestesses, and those are not terms to shy away from. We have stewardships, responsibilities, and divine potential that is yet untapped.

That said, we are also imperfect. It is a mistake and does women a disservice to set us on a pedestal. I’ve heard the argument that men need the priesthood to make them as good as women. Not only is this argument completely demeaning to men, it also gives women an excuse to stop trying.

I definitely don’t have all the answers, which is why I support honest, humble seeking of God’s will. If the requirement of study and humility is met and we’re willing to accept the answer given, then we should ask questions of God. But before he can trust us with more responsibility, he must first be able to trust us to show love to each other, something I think is lacking in this dialogue.